35 – Faction Focus Part 1 – Neoterran Capitaline Army

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The last blog post was by far the most popular I’ve ever written, with around 500 views and counting. It was also an interview of other people, proving that you don’t really give a fuck about my opinions on Infinity. Well, Goonies never say die, so I’m going to completely ignore the numbers and bludgeon you with my unwanted views about the faction that, out of the four I play, is probably closest to my fat-clogged and over-worked heart – the pinnacle of human evolution that is the Neoterran Capitaline Army. In this first faction focus I’ll be ‘Doing a Britney’ by interviewing myself, but the self-same questions have been posed to my gaming chums in the hopes this will become a regular series with insight from Infinity players who actually win more games than they lose. But first, a disclaimer; I may talk a good game, but if Infinity was football I wouldn’t even make the Socatots team. Follow my advice at your own peril

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34 – Confessions of a Tournament Player

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The best part of getting older is that, as I gain more and more grey hairs and wrinkles, I give less and less fucks. Slippers adorn my feet no matter the venue or the occasion, to the continued mortification of the missus; I hold loud conversations with myself in public, and fart just as freely. ‘Taboo’ does not feature in my vocabulary, and I will gladly engage in any topic of conversation from knitting to necrophilia. The reflection of my pasty and pudgy body staring back at me from the mirror no longer elicits any feelings of guilt, and internal recriminations over indulging my vices have been replaced with cheers and encouragement. Therefore when the Friday lunchtime question “Doing anything nice this weekend?” inevitably arrives, no longer do I prevaricate, embellish or divert.

“I’m playing tabletop wargames in my garage with my mates while we get pissed.”

“Oh……………. Like Warhammer? My, uh, my nephew plays Warhammer.”

“Similar, yeah.”

“That sounds… nice. So… do you paint the models and everything?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, well… have a good one!”

Don’t worry, I will. While you’re engaging in ‘normal’ activities like watching open-mouthed as a dancing dalek delights you on ‘Britain’s Got Talent’, I’ll be having the time of my life playing Napoleon with my little metal soldiers. Despite being ‘out’ about my geekiness, gamers generally gravitate to gamers as they instantly understand the compulsion, bereft of the awkward explanation that usually accompanies conversations about this strange little hobby. Luckily enough I made the acquaintance of a lovely gaming couple who also happen to be bloody good at Infinity; so much so that they even attend lots of tournaments together, and consistently place towards the top of the rankings. Thinking it would be a great idea to delve into just what makes a competitive gamer tick, I requested an interview, and they didn’t tell me to piss off! Result! Over to the Kim and Kanye of  wargaming, James and Laina, AKA Murkage and… Laina.

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