30 – Heeeeeeey, Macayana!

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Last time out I was making my first tentative baby steps into the weird and wonderful world of competitive gaming, aiming to become the scourge of the social club, scout hut and community hall by wresting the wooden spoon from the biggest and best Infinity tournaments around the UK. Then life, being the evil, sadistic bastard that it is, delivered a massive sack slap in the form of a mystery illness. Almost overnight I went from being a fairly active bloke training to run the St. Albans Half Marathon to being knackered just from climbing the stairs and barely able to lift my head off the pillow. To cut a long story short, after being MRI’d, X-rayed, ECG’d and electric shocked [the last one being by far the worst, involving the doctor harpooning my muscles with 6 inch needles before sending an electrical current through them, allowing me to finally empathise with that big rubber shark in Jaws 2] the best guess is Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, ME, or, my favourite term [because it evokes images of DiCaprio dwarf-throwing in Wolf of Wall Street], Yuppy Flu. Despite my flippancy this illness is no fucking joke and totally derailed pretty much everything; work, family life, and, most importantly, gaming. Before I finally move on to actually talk about Infinity in this Infinity blog, I have to add that the NHS is an absolutely incredible institution, and I was met with the highest standard of care at every point. Nice work NHS!

Fast-forward 6 months of bed-rest and at least two stone of weight gain, combined with a worrying amount of facial hair giving me the vague air of a sexual predator, and I finally felt able to drag myself over to the gaming garage to face-off against Matt, who, despite being cruelly cancelled on countless times throughout the course of the year, had managed to remain incredibly understanding and supportive. Top bloke! The occasions I had managed to crawl out of bed being mostly spent painting meant I was able to field my freshly finished Onyx Contact Force. What better way to celebrate the occasion than with chapter 1 of the exciting Tagline narrative campaign, with the much less exciting mission title ‘Operation: The Grid, Before Tagline’? Matt, taking time out from kicking ass and taking names at judo, would be bringing his Corregidor Nomads. Plus a free Tikbalang. Not to be outdone the mission gifted the Combined forces a free Umbra Samaritan and three Unidrons. Noice!

 

My 387 point 300 point list.

onyx-list-pic

 

“God damn it! Scramble any troops the evac team can spare, have them join the Tikbalang Battalion and send them to destroy those antennas. I won’t run the risk of those alien fucks taking over my grid!” Colonel Donovan punctuated his order by banging his fist on the command table.

The mission was relatively simple. Flip switches on the 9 antennas, then blow them up, because grid, and alien fucks. Centre of the board is a Saturation Zone. Most importantly, however; kill Toni Macayana! Again! Oh and also keep Nourkias, the Greek Umbra Samaritan, alive. Winning the WIP roll I took second turn, so was made to deploy first.

 

20161231_134405
Onyx deployment, right to left – one of the three Unidrons holding the backfield, Rodoks in a link with an Umbra Legate hiding under the building, one of Dr. Worm’s wormlets waiting to repair the HMG Q-Drone…
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…Dr. Worm himself, two Xeodron mini-TAGs and Nourkias the Umbra Samaritan in a Haris, another Unidron…
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…and the final Unidron, for completeness.

 

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Nomad deployment. No idea what any of this is as I wasn’t listening, although it appears to be in a link. Macayana is being proxied by my Jotum….
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…I was listening for this bit – right to left; Camo Marker, Daktari Doctor, and Mr. Massacre in a Jaguar Haris, being proxied by an MMG Deadpool miniature!

 

Turn 1 – Corregidor

My phone died just in time for the start of the game so pics of turn 1 are a little scarce while it was charging, i.e.one. The Jaguars dropped smoke, hilariously needing three orders to roll a 16 or below, allowing the Camo Marker, revealed to be an HMG Intruder, to engage in some MSV2 shenanigans with my Q-Drone. Unable to roll minus 4 on a 20-sided die, I opted to Dodge, with the expected result; the Drone dropping Unconscious. The HMG Rodok, standing with his monkey ass in the breeze while his friends lay safely Prone [I think I forgot it was a Saturation Zone so only one Burst in ARO] was lucky to make his armour rolls and survive the first turn.

The rest of the Nomad orders were spent, just as hilariously for me, only managing to roll 13 or less once to activate a single antenna for a disappointing first turn for the Nomads, with Colonel Donovan presumably putting his fist through the table in frustration at the lack of activated antennas and alien fuck deaths. Toni Macayana did move into a position to make himself more relevant, heading towards Nourkias for the much anticipated re-match/re-enactment.

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“Let’s Dance”.

Nomad Antennas Aligned 1 – 0 Combined Antennas Aligned

Nomad Antennas Destroyed 0 – 0 Combined Antennas Destroyed

 

Turn 1 – Onyx

Surprised, and a little disappointed not to have died a heroic warrior’s death, the Rodok with HMG opened up on the Intruder, dropping him unconscious but not managing to kill him outright.

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“Blood for the Blood Monkey!”

 

With the Intruder down the Rodok link was able to move safely down the stairs and towards the antennas, managing to successfully flip the switch on one. However, this was at the cost of one of the link plus a Command Token to re-form as a Boarding Shotgun wielding monkey went down to a Chainrifle shot from a Jaguar. Nourkias wasted the orders in his pool trying and failing to switch on antennas on the left flank while the Xeodrons took potshots at Toni.

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Rodoks move out, imposing themselves in an armed way…
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…before one of the link eats a Chainrifle.

 

The link teams scurried for cover while Dr. Worm ended the Combined turn by sending a mind impulse to his wormlet to fix the Q-Drone.

 

Nomad Antennas Aligned 1 – 1 Combined Antennas Aligned

Nomad Antennas Destroyed 0 – 0 Combined Antennas Destroyed

 

Turn 2 – Corregidor

Although not the headline fight, the much anticipated showdown between Deadpool and Sith Lord [Señor Massacre and the Umbra Legate], looked increasingly on the cards as the Jaguar Haris moved to outflank the Rodok link.

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Ah, the days when only Haqislam were allowed Haris “sigh”.

 

A Camo Marker I had completely forgotten about on top of the building revealed to be a Bandit Hacker, successfully avoiding a ‘Gotcha!’ attack from his Rodok counterpart. The Bandit’s grin faded as he failed to flip the switch, sending Colonel Donovan apoplectic.

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Surprise, muthafuckas!

 

The Rodoks continued to fail spectacularly in their Sotorak, another going down to a Spitfire shot from a member of the link ‘slicing the pie’ behind a crate. Seeking to win some honour from his death, the Morat’s last action was to defiantly drop an Anti-personnel Mine.

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Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, the surviving Rodoks refuse to admit that this one is a write-off

 

The backfield link team [maybe Wildcats?] finally pass a WIP roll to align the grid in their favour, with Macayana and the Q-Drone trading shots to little effect.

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+Communication incoming from Colonel Donovan+ “F***ing finally, you useless c**ts!”
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Q-Drone and Tikbalang miss each other miserably while Nourkias looks on disapprovingly.

Nomad Antennas Aligned 2 – 1 Combined Antennas Aligned

Nomad Antennas Destroyed 0 – 0 Combined Antennas Destroyed

 

Turn 2 – Onyx.

Seeking to win at least some military prestige despite the poor showing of his regiment, the Rodok Hacker attempted another ‘Gotcha!’ Instead, the Bandit sent up a fountain of monkey brains, winning the F2F with a ‘Brain Blast’ that microwaved the Morat’s grey matter.

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The Rodok Hacker realises he’s forgotten to switch on his EI Device just before his brainpan is re-decorated.

 

Further increasing the misery of the lone surviving Rodok the Umbra Legate showed him how it was done, slicing Señor Massacre into muchos little pieces before advancing on the quivering Jaguar. Unfortunately for the Legate, already on No Wound Incapacitation from an HMG round from the revived Intruder, he failed his armour save, dying to a Chainrifle shot and putting the Combined forces in Loss of Lieutenant!

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Sith Lord triumphs over Deadpool. Called it.

 

The remainder of the orders were spent taking more pot-shots at Toni Macayana; the K1 ammunition from the Xeodrons ignored the heavy armour of the Tikbalang, taking off two wounds before the TAG slinked away out of sight, the chance of a smack-down with Nourkias now lost. An attempt to destroy the one Combined aligned antenna fails due to ridiculous armour saves from the grinning Matt.

 

Nomad Antennas Aligned 2 – 1 Combined Antennas Aligned

Nomad Antennas Destroyed 0 – 0 Combined Antennas Destroyed

Turn 3 – Corregidor

With orders now in short supply and out of range of any more antennas the Wildcat link [definitely Wildcats] spent their final turn in an attempt to destroy the antenna they had worked so hard to align. It was my turn to roll ridiculous armour saves, foiling the Nomads! Could a shock Combined win be on the cards?

Turn 3 – Onyx

The remaining Rodok who gave no fucks about Loss of Lieutenant plus some hastily flipped Command Tokens gave Nourkias just enough Regular Orders for a last-ditch attempt to snatch the victory. Successfully aligning the antenna he turned his Monofilament weapon on the unfortunate computer terminal, one failed armour save enough to burn out its insides. Victory to the Onyx Contact Force!

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Now give me a paint job!

Nomad Antennas Aligned 2 – 2 Combined Antennas Aligned

Nomad Antennas Destroyed 0 – 1 Combined Antennas Destroyed

Nourkias’ Killed 0 – 0 Toni Macayanas killed

In essence, this game was all about who could roll the least terribly. The failed smoke rolls on 16s turn one set the tone for the game, and neither of us could pass a WIP roll for toffee, and destroying a defenceless antenna proved nigh impossible. In the end, being able to choose turn order proved important, with Nourkias managing to hold it together to seal the victory. Unfortunately Toni and Nourkias weren’t able to re-enact their epic showdown, however the battle between the Legate and Senor Massacre more than made up for it.

Tagline felt a little bit like a simplified Campaign Paradiso, and I absolutely loved the narrative elements. If Acheron Falls is anything like this I will be a very, very happy man!

Man of the Match has to go to the Umbra Samaritan, slicing through Señor Massacre like a hot knife through manchego to protect the Onyx backfield.Matt’s dice deserve a mention too – I couldn’t have done it without you.

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The table at the end of the battle.

 

 

 

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Author: redheadhobbies

I've been a fan of the 40k universe since I was a 10 year old kid playing with my brother's RTB01 beaky marines painted as Rainbow Warriors. After ending my love affair with 40k due to shitness and dropping out of the hobby for a little while, I have now been reinvigorated by the awesomeness that is Infinity.

4 thoughts on “30 – Heeeeeeey, Macayana!”

  1. Good read mate

    Goodluck with the CFS, my old mans had it for around 7 years so I can empathise to a degree.
    You may have done so already but theres a fair few forums out there regarding CFS and non medical support; for example my dad finds dark chocolate and creatine have helped him.. Though he has tried god knows how many remedies.. As i understand it different things work for different people. Worth a look anyways

    Good luck

    Jack

    Liked by 1 person

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